How Will I Handle My Next Visit to See My Mother

How Will I Handle My Next Visit to See My Mother

It is really amazing how God listens to our prayers and our thoughts. It's so easy to think when we want or need something, He does not hear us, does not want us to have it or does not respond at all when we pray. But we all need to know that for whatever we ask Him in prayer He hears it. What He really responds to (and not limited to) is the pureness of our hearts. Remember He knows our hearts completely, and wants to bless us in every way. 

Now I wanted to set the tone for this post because in the past 1 1/2 years, I have been hearing God speak to me and I have answered Him. I started seeking more purpose in my life and would ask Him to help me be what He wanted me to be. You see, sometimes we think we know what's best for us. This can range from family, career and almost anything. We go after things that God allows but is not really our purpose in life. So, I started wanting to hear more of Him because not all of my choices were right for me in life. Even after being delivered, this did not change my whole life completely. It only helped me get on the right track and face the many other issues I needed to confront. 

I know I am probably rambling on and I some of you know this about me (LOL), but really I have a point in this and will get to the subject at hand.

So, I have asked God in prayer to lead and guide me the way in which I should go in His eyes, not mine. I remember in 2010, he started shifting me and business (not this ministry) and I started receiving more purpose in my life by just accepting the call. My business partner and I wanted to do more for God in the work we do so when she heard God speak about changing things, I agreed because I felt it too but did not know exactly how to. 

Then I personally sought God to deal with family issues of the past. As you may know, I did not have the best relationship with my mother growing up and for some reason God has been dealing with me on this issue more so in the past 2 years. I have prayed about it and He has been moving me in a certain direction. I made up in my mind that I would face all of my issues. This included whatever I needed to with my mother. Due to my desire to break any generational curses of family dysfunctionality, I started facing my emotions about my mother and things I needed to discuss with her. Now to make a long story short, I literally moved to a state to be closer to my mother yet I received some flack for it. Though I was asked to do so, so we could be closer, she did not respond in the same matter as she originally did. I'll admit that that was hurting.

Anyway, God has allowed me to go through an array of feelings about this and I am determined to face them, deal with them and move on. I have too much work for God to be hindered my anything or anyone. Again, I need to say: I am alright with the fact that my mother and I may never be close as I want but I love and honor her. Ultimately, I only want to deal with my issues and be able to be spiritually prosperous and sound in my walk with God. That is truly my only purpose.

So, next month I plan to visit her and wanted to start dealing with how it may go as far as the visit is concerned. I know I will speak with her about some things because I just need to address them but this time around I will make sure to leave more secure and at peace. I have always had a mind to conquer whatever she thought I could not handle but this time, its really all about me. I want to be closer to God and do His Will and by just hearing Him in this, I will concentrate on what He wants out of this and not some selfish image building strategy. 

I wanted to share this because when I visit my mother soon, I will face things that I know some of you may understand.Things like betrayal, trust and childhood abuse mentally or physically are what some of have had to deal with.

I only wanted to share this to maybe enlightened someone dealing the same issues. Maybe you just want to clear the air on some things with your parents or loved one. Maybe that is all you need to move forward. Well, I believe the healing starts when we confront issues like this and God will be there as long as we pray for guidance.

What will you seek God to face in your life?

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Overcoming Homosexuality: You Can't Do This By Yourself!

Overcoming Homosexuality: You Can't Do This By Yourself!

I was thinking about when I gave my life to Christ back in 1999 and it was the day after Thanksgiving. I actually saw the world in a different light. Everything appeared to be different to me. The familiar city I grew up in felt like a foreign place as if I had just moved there. I was clearly on a new journey and I knew my life would never be the same from that day forth.

At first, I never thought about what support I needed in the process. I had always been the type of person that I thought I could handle and conquer anything. But I did not realize that it would be very difficult to do this with no other support outside of reading my bible and praying to God. Though the woman I used to be with received Jesus the same day I did, we both needed support outside of ourselves. 

We tried contacting churches and ministries to help us but most people just shunned us and turned their noses up to us. As a new Christian,  it was confusing to realize that some churches and ministries don't recognize being formerly homosexual has a blessing from God. So, we had to just encourage each other and depend on God. And ultimately, this is what we all have to do if we don't have any help. We can rely on Him completely even in the really hard times; the really lonely times and the really confusing times. He is your 'all and all' and always believe in this.

Now, with that being said, I still believe people need help from others because we just naturally need one another. I know that I tackled my struggle without it but I just could not find the resources. And I will never, ever, ever, ever say it was easy because it was not. There were times I was completely confidant about my salvation and then there were times I felt I had not changed at all. Even in the moments of thoughts and feelings seeming to overwhelm me, that is when I felt my salvation was slipping; at least that is how I saw it. But I found out God does not condemn me for thoughts but only what I do with my thoughts. And I have to say, I developed a real fear of God and knew He was watching my every move and that was enough for me to stay strong. If you really think about how God really sees and watches over us all day long, then we realize that He cares about our true walk with Him.

The fact of the matter is: we really can not do this by ourselves. Our walk away from the lifestyle and walking beside God now, requires we continually seek Him in prayer and fasting and get in touch with people who really care and want the best for us. So, if you can get in contact with some group or ministry that can truly give you support you need in this struggle, you should.

That is why I make myself available to whomever wants or needs support and guidance. The fact that I did not get that kind of support is why I do what I do all the more. I know what it feels like to face the world and wonder if people know what you used to be. I know what if feels like to not know how to relate to people especially the same sex after being saved. I also know what it feels like to not have anyone you can talk to and when you do open up, they walk away because they can't deal with it. It seems like once you decide to leave the gay lifestyle, everything is new and unfamiliar. You literally have to start training yourself how to deal with certain people certain ways- At least that is what I faced.

So, you don't have to do this alone. God would rather us reason together and help one another. The best thing I could have done in my whole life is testify what God did for me. It literally was more important than life itself to me. It changes you on the inside and the joy is overwhelming.

Do you need help today? Are you struggling and don't know how to face life in the midst of change or even after change? Well, I know you can't do this by yourself. I'm here if you need to support.

God bless.

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How Homelessness and Homosexuality Gave Me a Willing Heart To Help Others

How Homelessness and Homosexuality Gave Me a Willing Heart To Help Others

I have always had a heart for people in general but in this instance, I did not know what God was doing in my life. I remember when I was homeless back in 1998, I was blessed to have a car and a job. It's kind of ironic but I cared more about the homeless sleeping in the park and under a cardboard box than I did my own life's state. I remember driving by Lake Merritt in Oakland, Ca. and I saw a man and women sitting on a park bench. It was raining 'cats and dogs; out there and I was getting sick to my stomach seeing them suffer through it. I  was with my now best friend (the former girlfriend whom I accepted Jesus into my life with) and we felt so bad that we at least had a car to sleep in but they were going to have to weather through the rainy storm. 

I remember it like it was yesterday.  We drove to a McDonald's restaurant nearby and bought them something to eat. As it may be hard to believe, we actually went through some of our things in the car to give to them. We were actually living out of our car.  We found both umbrellas and a watch I had been holding onto for years that, for some reason seemed to give me comfort. I gave up that comfort for someone in the same living situation as myself but worse off.

I’ll never forget how we walked up to the man and woman seated on the bench, as they held up one half broken umbrella to cover themselves. When they saw our faces, they seemed perplexed yet thrilled to see us hand them food and the umbrellas we had. I remember handing the older woman my watch and she smiled with a twinkle in her eye in the midst of the dark sky. I felt so warm inside yet hurt that I could not do more even in my situation. They both kept saying thank you and we replied with ‘take care’ and ‘we love you’ and ‘keep the faith’. I even prayed and cried for them from time to time.

You can imagine how my heart would nearly stop every time I drove by the park, hoping to see them again and give them what I could at the time. Unfortunately, I never saw them again and it’s been over 13 years and I still think of them.

This is why I do what I do. I support the homeless and I try and support those struggling in their spirits. I know now God did not want me to be that famous artist I had always dreamed of being, but to work for His kingdom. 

This story may seem like it has nothing to do with the homosexual lifestyle but it made a big difference in the coming years for me. While I was living as a homosexual and homeless at the time, God was showing me things I would have never seen before. It worked through me and whom I call my “God given sister” at those critical moments having to live in a car or motels. I did not know it then but he was setting me up for ministry and I would have never, ever went this route.

I try and explain to people that just because I grew up United Methodist and attended Catholic school, did not make me a Christian. We never spoke about God in our home growing up. I guess my parents, in some ways, thought school would teach me what I needed to know. (I’ll go into that on another post). But what I did not know, God was working in me even as a child. He brought me to this point and who would have imagined? 

So I shared this because, I think we don’t always know what we are destined to be or do. You may see yourself as a homosexual, bisexual, transgender now but what will God do in your life? What is He setting your up for that you may not realize at this time? If you have left an alternative lifestyle, you may not know what your future will bring through a relationship Jesus Christ. 

What I like to tell people is: When you pray, pray for wisdom, guidance and to do God’s will. When I started asking God to do as He will with my life, He opened up doors I never would have imagined.  I started to see life with my eyes open for the first time and I had true purpose. I still see my life as pretty simple but I my spirit is filled with His love.

What can God do for you even during your struggles? If you have walked away from homosexuality or other alternative lifestyles, what are your plans now? You may have no idea but I promise you, if you pray for wisdom, guidance and to do His will, He will truly bless you like you never seen before.  The real key to breaking these desires and strongholds, is wanting to change but most importantly, changing to PLEASE HIM. All He wants is your willing heart and He will do the rest. Just when you think its too difficult, giving it over to Him will prove He will fight your battles. It was never yours in the first place.

By doing so, you’ll be filled with joy, happiness, purpose and a yearning drive to please Him in all you do.

God bless!

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Can You Really Stop Being Homosexual? [See VIDEO]

Can You Really Stop Being Homosexual? [See VIDEO]

This is a powerful testimony and proves if you say you don't have desire for men as a lesbian, it can be restored by God. By giving your life to Christ, He will restore you to what He wanted you to be. And there is so much to this testimony. This young lady is only 19 years old! There is true deliverance in Jesus Christ. See for yourself.

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Passion for Christ Movement Declares Generation Ex [VIDEO]

Passion for Christ Movement Declares Generation Ex [VIDEO]

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Young Woman Leaves Gay Lifestyle After Starting at Age 12 [VIDEO]

Young Woman Leaves Gay Lifestyle After Starting at Age 12 [VIDEO]

Glory be to God! Just another one of God's children claiming her place in the kingdom

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How I Built a Relationship With My Son After Becoming Ex Homosexual

I think about when I first chose to follow my same sex attraction and became a homosexual. I remember my son was only 2 1/2 years when I starting meeting women. I was only 23 years old and was just on a road to fulfill my own desires after being hurt my the break up with his father. The break up was really just an excuse to pursue these feelings I had from childhood.

So, as I went on living my new life, I think back about how I never gave a thought about what this lifestyle would do to a baby. Well, let me tell the real truth. I DID have thoughts and some guilt but not enough to stop doing what I wanted to do. It  kind of makes me wonder why I never considered his childhood or his feelings about what life I was living. I used to have alot of guilt about it after the fact but I tried to maintain a close relationship with him.

I remember how I allowed my son to have to 'adjust' to my lifestyle as his family life. Essentially, that is just what it is. It's kind of strange to think of it but he grew up in a homosexual household and I never cared enough to not distort his life. Those are some real teachable moments that I can think back on and sometimes I still ask God for forgiveness.

But thank God that I was delivered from homosexuality while he was still young enough to get to know the real me that God wanted him to see. I remember talking with him often about how things affected him when he was only 8 and 9 years old. We'd talk about sex and God and how He really wanted us to live. I apologized to him for exposing him to such a life and he forgave me. Kids understand a lot more than what we think and I knew this. I found it necessary to do so because even though my 'gayness' was my lifestyle, I tried to build a good relationship with my son while he was growing up. I remember not having such a relationship with my parents, so all I had was my son and I couldn't ruin what God had given me. I would like to believe he saw what Jesus had done for me and he has respected me all of these years because I was true to God's word. God had done a mighty work in me and my son saw first hand what God can do.

As he is now a young adult, we still talk from time to time about how life was and he understands more about how people get into the life than most young adults would think. I do believe my life change was a testimony for him to ultimately live for Christ wholeheartedly.

So if you have children and are getting out of the lifestyle, talk with them now about it. You can help change how they may see the gay lifestyle and keep them from falling into it. They will appreciate your honesty, your tears and your concern for their lives. 

Just imagine: your testimony can be for your kids and they will know first hand that God can do anything!!

God bless!

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True Ex-Gay Talk Support Call Coming Back?

True Ex-Gay Talk Support Call Coming Back?

I have been getting some requests to restart my True Ex Gay Support Call again. I would like to restart our True Ex-Gay Talk Support Call again in the near future and have the call twice a month or more. This time around I would like to know who would actually come on the call on a fairly consistent basis. This call is for you and for any concerns or questions you may have for me or some issue you want to discuss. It is a private and confidential call. You can listen in or speak- whatever is comfortable for you.

(Read disclaimer below)

I would like to find out:

• What days of the week are good for you? (I prefer during the weekday from Mon-Fri)
 

• What times would be good for you? (I'd like to know between what hours from the earliest to the latest)
 

• Would you be open to participate or listen in on the call with an anonymous name (if needed)?
 

• Would you be committed to return to the call when it is available or announced?
 

• What would you like to speak about on the call or have me discuss on the call?
 

•  What ideas do you have for me?

As you can see, I am being as open as I can for you because I want to be able to be a support for you.

Go to True Ex Gay Talk page and read more about what we will do on the call.

Once I get some responses, I will post what we came up with and what I feel will be most convenient for you.


NOTE: God bless and don't keep me hanging. I really want to hear from you. If you have my personal number, just call or text me.


Disclaimer: The only time I may record is to get my responses to questions so I can create an audio with my voice only while I address questions or speak in general. No one's voice would be recorded or published unless agreed upon.

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How Coming Out of the Closet, Let's God In

How Coming Out of the Closet, Let's God In

In my past experiences as a lesbian, when I came out of the closet to my family and friends, I thought it was the best thing for me. Well, what I mean is as a young woman with feelings I did not know what to do with, at the time I thought it was best for me to tell what I was feeling than to keep it in and live a double life.

Now, with that being said, coming out also resulted to my breakdown of becoming the woman God wanted me to be. While at the time, I felt getting it all out in the air to those that mattered to me was good, I had opened up a can of worms I did not know would leach onto me for many years.

I do thank God for how he allowed things to happen in my life though. I can't imagine not expressing it to anyone, getting married, having kids and ultimately destroying my life as I may have been on the down low. Yes, even women live on the down low too.

Though I would have rather not lived a life of homosexuality, if I had never revealed it, then how could God have changed me and delivered me? I know He used my sin to eventually turn me around and be a testimony for others. For those that never tell it and live in secret, they never allow God, in His time, to break the sin from them.

Are you living in secret as a lesbian or a homosexual? Have you kept it from everyone or those close to you? 

I know it may seem strange that God can bless someone even in their coming out phase but it is true. Coming out of the closet, unknowingly, allows God to do what He will in your life. For some like myself, it took years to hear God's voice, but thank God I did. 

By my being out and open at one time in the lifestyle, ultimately brought shame, conviction and guilt on my heart that I had never felt before. I felt like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden- naked, ashamed and running for fig leaves!

My 'coming out' became 'my coming into' God's will. Will you walk into God's will today?

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Let's Make This Very Clear: Homosexual Feelings Should Not Consume Your Life

Let's Make This Very Clear: Homosexual Feelings Should Not Consume Your Life

This can be a big issue because I believe it was designed to take our focus off of God. Homosexuality, in my opinion and experience, is a spirit that comes to kill, steal and destroy. I know it sounds harsh but homosexuality is Satan's territory. So, if you ever feel like those gay feelings never seem to leave and is essentially ruled by your every thought, then it is consuming you to the extent that it's trying to:

• Kill your spirit
• Steal your self worth
• Destroy your dignity

 Now, in my experience, I felt all of this combined. Even after giving my life to the Lord, I struggled like anyone else. I understood it then as Satan still fighting for my soul back. He knew at that point I was God's child but because our sin nature is still there, the enemy will keep trying to reclaim our spirits. I truly feel our souls belonged to God but the enemy knows homosexual feelings can be a stronghold. He also knows we will battle with our flesh.

But the wonderful thing is: God never let us go. He knew we'd return to our rightful place with Him so no matter what we battle with, God won't let us go. The enemy can try as much as he wants but we are attached to Jesus forever.

Now just because you may still have same sex feelings does not make you a homosexual. Hello?!! Did you really hear that? It is very true. It only means God is still doing a work in you. God has His own timing to mold, prune and shape you. So, you have to be patient with yourself and with God. He has the perfect plan for you. While you are going through the struggle, try and enjoy the journey. Yes, the journey is the most enriching part of all.

God has so much to show you, teach you and provide for you. If you only concentrate on this one 'struggle', you will miss out on what God wants to do with your whole self not just your fleshly self.

How about writing that book you always wanted to start or start a business or a ministry? I know there are things that make your life fulfilling if you only allow yourself to recognize your other needs, desires and successes. Quite frankly, homosexual feelings are not as big a issue as the enemy wants you to believe. Some may disagree but the enemy, again, wants it to consume your every thought so you may fall. But really, if we take hold of other aspects of our lives, we can allow God to work on that 'feeling' or 'desire' in our lives and later we will realize it is God had it all under control. But really, God was doing a work because you "Let go and let God".

So please don't find yourself in a room with your feelings wide open for the enemy to speak death to you. You can raise up and live life knowing God has you in his hands completely and if you rely on Him, He will do anything you ask Him to according to His will.

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The Question is: Are You Really Happy Being Gay?

Are You Really Happy Being Gay?

I ask this question because I was there once a upon a time. I know how it feels to first get into the lifestyle after having thoughts of the same sex for years and not knowing where its coming from. I hope the following questions help you as they helped me and many others.

"But are you really happy living your life as a homosexual"

I know that sometimes being in the lifestyle was like the best thing ever. Most people feel like being gay and living it was their destiny and nothing could be greater.

"But is it really so wonderful?"

Sure, there are moments of what we feel is love, compassion and respect for and from the same sex. Maybe someone never really received the love they needed from a mother or father and finding it in the same sex, is what seems to fill the void.

"But does it really fill the void?"

I'm not sure after maybe sharing intimate moments with a significant other or many others will really make anyone happy when many times its only sex or the attraction that keeps the 'buzz' of excitement going.

"But what do you do when the excitement wears off?"

Well, maybe you move on to another lover and another in the relentless quest to find love but deep down you know it will never come. Why? Well, because what you are attracted to still doesn't seem to fulfill you like you want it to.

"But what about all of the homosexuals and lesbians getting married? Aren't they happy?"

I don't know. Some homosexuals may think they are born that way and again destined to live their life as such. Others are just aimlessly seeking to rid the pain of non-fulfillment in their lives. Others, also, may have experienced other things in life and its coming out as an attraction to the same sex and this is their goal. Their goal is to do what they feel is right but not necessarily what they know is right. So, they perhaps pursue getting married to the same sex even though some know deep down this is a mistake. 

"But why make a lifelong commitment knowing its a mistake?"

Well, for some, they feel its too late to turn back or its too hard to conquer homosexual feelings or no one will accept them if they change now. The big one is that God won't love and take them in.

The truth is: many gays appear happy because they have convinced themselves its what they really want. But deep down these individuals are not happy and only want to prove in many ways they are because to them, there's no turning back.

"But aren't there people out there that really are happy being gay?"

For their own reasons, and any former homosexual will tell you, that they didn't want or see themselves changing - EVER; but God touched them. I do believe that some people have been seduced by the homosexual spirit and think they may never change. Thanks be to God, it doesn't have to be that way.

"But what about those who have same sex attraction but don't want it anymore?"

Now, these individuals realize they are not happy. Also, maybe God is convicting them and they are fighting to get out of the lifestyle. Many of them have experienced the excitement of meeting someone and getting intimate but quickly realize after every encounter, it is just wrong. They know its against God and want to change but find it hard to do so.

If you find yourself asking some of these questions, then maybe you know you want to get out of the lifestyle of homosexuality. I don't confess to know everyone's situation or how everyone gets into homosexuality because everyone is unique. But I do speak on some of the common reasons why people get into the life.

It really doesn't matter how or why except the fact of wanting to pinpoint some unresolved issues in our lives. God knows it all and whatever reason we find ourselves in the gay lifestyle, He can get us out of it, if we really want out. He can give us the strength to fight the feelings for the same sex. If we only be open to hear and receive Him with all of our heart, will we then allow His spirit to move inside of us like never before. You will be surprised how strong you really are if you only allow the impossible to you be worked out by the impossible God. (Matthew 19:26)

I'm telling you. Once you give your life to Christ, and open up your heart, mind and soul to Him, He will do exceedingly, abundantly and more than you can ask, think or expect. (Ephesians 3:20).

You don't have to remain bound to the spirit of homosexuality. There is a way out and my God and your God can do it. Just come to Him and trust Him.

If you are man, woman, or teen struggling with homosexuality, same sex attraction or any other concern, please contact T. Marie for support at the Contact Page.

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Get Support In The Struggle Out of The Gay Lifestyle

Contact T. Marie For Support In The Struggle Out of The Gay Lifestyle

If you need help or have questions about how to walk away from homosexuality, you can get help. Our founder, T. Marie lived the life of a lesbian for 7 years. She gave her life to Christ in 1999 and 11 years later, she has walked a strong path alongside God. She is always willing to share her experiences as well as how she has been able to stay faithful to God all these years.

It is not an impossibility. All things are possible for them that love the Lord. So if you need someone to talk to that knows your struggles, go to our Contact Page  or click on the contact button on toolbar at the bottom of the page here to speak with T. Marie. She is more than happy to help guide you down the right path and freedom from homosexuality or any issues you many be facing today.

God bless!

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Five Things to Do If You Still Struggle With Homosexual Feelings After Being Delivered

Five Things to Do If You Still Struggle With Homosexual Feelings After Being Delivered

I have been contacted by many people who continue to struggle with homosexual feelings after being delivered from the gay lifestyle and sin. I have found that there are five things that I have to do daily to keep my mind on God and away from the thoughts or desires of my past life.

Now, let me say this firstly to those who think if you still have gay feelings, you shouldn't fight it because you can't stop being gay. This is not true. Once a person has accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, they are delivered from the sin they have given it over to God. This goes for any sin as well as homosexuality. So, you can't take it back even if you still have feelings. God doesn't take back our deliverance.

1) Prayer- You need to pray for God to give you strength  at this time. Even though you are praying for strength, God needs you to get close to Him. Whenever you find yourself struggling, always draw near to Him. If you spend more time in prayer, God will comfort you in this time of need.

2) Fasting- For those of you who can do so (health wise, that is), you should find time to fast. I have started to fast 5 days straight out of each month. I need God's word to be clearer to me. When I fast, all my defenses are down and He has my undivided attention. I receive more strength and power from fasting every time I do so. Fasting is highly effective along with prayer.

3) Eliminating distractions from your life. Sometimes we have things in our lives that cause distractions from giving God our all. We can sometimes have family, friends, work or personal things that distract us from being all we need to be for God. We can find ourselves so overcrowded with life's issues and problems that those old 'feelings' creep right in. Evaluate who you have in your life and what's going on around you so you can concentrate on Him and your work for Him.

4) Deal with your life's issues. You know, when we gave our life to Christ on that faithful day, we had all intentions on being everything we could be for Him. We may have even thought that homosexuality or some sexual sin would solve all of your problems. Well, you have probably realized that isn't the case. Truthfully, we all have more issues in our lives than just sexual sin and when we are delivered from that one, there are other issues that come to surface that we now see more clearly. So, what I did was find out why I still felt broken and started dealing with those issues. I realized this is a lifetime commitment and God gives me strength to conquer all the other things in my life.

5) Start concentrating on others. If you are struggling with homosexual feelings and have been delivered from it, start finding time to reach out to others. When we take the focus off ourselves and help one another, we can sometimes find what is causing our struggle. Many times when I helped someone else, I was able to see my own issue more clearly and why I struggled with things. God worked through me while I was helping to bring someone else out of the lifestyle. Its a remarkable thing what God can do through others.

So, those are the top five things that helped me and I continue to use them on a daily basis. I always remember, this is much bigger than me. It's not all about my struggle but the enemy's conquest for my soul. This is a bigger battle than just what I face. But what I do know is: As long as I deal with the struggles in the appropriate manner and not fall into sin, I am more than a conqueror and so are you.

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