Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 2]
So, in Part 1, I ended with my talk about how I was sexually abuse by my next door neighbor and how he would taunt me and I was getting fed up with it. Well, the last time I saw this person, I was completely fed up. I was in a homosexual relationship at the time and seeing him really threw me a loop once again. I remember rage rising up in me and I was tired of the constant reminder of what happened to be as a pre-teen.
So it was probably a few months later that I made the decision to confront him. His parents still lived in the same house next to my mother where I grew up. Though he was an adult as well, he would visit them often and I was hoping that he would be there on this particular day. I was ready to confront this demon that haunted me my whole childhood.
I drove up to the house and low and behold his car was there and he was outside washing his car. So, I got out of my car, walked over to him. He had some grin on his face and greeted me as if he did not understand why I was walking up to him. I had never stepped foot in that house after what happened to me so he knew something was wrong. I just belted it out and told him I was tired of him. I told him that he stole my innocence and bragged to our neighborhood friends that he did it in my face. I told him he had the nerve to tell everyone that 'I liked it' and joked about me wearing a training bra. I told him I was no longer afraid of him but tired of seeing his face. He tried to play it off with a chuckle but when he looked into my eyes, he knew I was serious. I pretty much told him I was tired of his smug look and he no longer had control over me. He was shocked because he knew me as a quiet and shy girl but I was no longer that little girl. I was a woman. I had FINALLY confronted the demon that seemed to taunt me forever and, frankly, it felt really good. I was actually liberated and free from the bondage of my sexual abuser.
Needless to say, I was pretty loud when I spoke to him in front of his house and he was astounded and embarrassed. When I turned to leave, his mother came outside and she wanted to know what was going on. I remember now turning back around right before he answered her saying: "Ask him". Then I got back into my car and drove away. I never saw him again.
Later, I wrote his mother a letter telling her that her son was a sexual predator and what he did to me. I never heard back about anything but my mother told me his mother tried explaining that her son has always been a good boy. Yeah... right!!
Though I didn't live with my mother anymore, I knew if I saw him again I would never be in bondage again because at that pivotal moment in my life, I was ready to take back my innocence, my dignity and my self respect. I just wish I could have been able to do it earlier but God's knows just when I should have done it, so I know I was in His Will and His plan.
I wanted to share this very private part of my life because there are many other people who have been sexually abused who lose the innocence of their childhood. When someone is molested or raped, the thought and effect from it is everlasting. I know, for me, it affected me greatly and I am sure it contributed to me feelings for the same sex at an early age. I know it caused me problems communicating, interacting with people and even in my relationships. It caused a block in my life in so many ways that I was never really happy for so, so long. I did not feel pretty or loved because when you are molested or raped, you don't feel loved- just taken advantage of.
So I am free today from that bondage and its been 13 years. I pray that this encourages someone who is reading this and wants to break the bondage of a sexual abuser. I realize that it may not be possible for everyone to confront their abuser, but at least confronting the issue in some way will be helpful and very beneficial for your emotional, psychological and physical health.
Please don't let anyone who has 'violated' you get the victory. As long as you have moved on and have dealt with this, you are fine. Remember you are beautiful in God's eyes and deserving to find true love, be loved and live a prosperous life. Don't let what one person tried to take from you keep you from being happy. Trust me, they have or will pay for their actions. God takes care of our enemies. Stand up bold and be all God called you to be because He loves you and will take care of you. The abuse of a sexual predator is very unfortunate for any of us but forgiveness is the key. I was not able to forgive until I faced it. I never said the words ' I forgive him' but after confronting it, I was released from my past pain. God healed me from that pain I never could have faced without him.
