Friday, February 24, 2012

AJ Nichols Ex Gay Testimony [VIDEO]

AJ Nichols Ex Gay Testimony [VIDEO]

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Pastor Ja'Von Crockett Testifies of His Ex Gay/Drag Queen Transformation

Pastor Ja'Von Crockett Testifies of His Ex-Gay Man/Drag Queen Transformation

Originally posted May 28, 2011

This is an awesome testimony of a man who was a prostitute, drug addict, gay man and drag queen. Now, nearly five years later, Pastor Ja'Von Crockett heard the call of the Lord one day that He was not pleased with his life.

Pastor Ja'Von Crockett found a church and a man of God that helped him see what God had in store for him. He opened his heart and mind to God and God did a mighty transformation in his life. Once he lived as a transsexual and now he's preaching the word of God as the man (male) God intended him to be.

Praise God and watch this young man and his testimony.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and want a way out, don't believe the negative hype. You CAN be delivered from being gay, God will do it for you as you come to Him with a open and humble heart. Please visit us True Ex-Gay Talk page to request an appointment to speak with T. Marie.

The Internet's Most Revealing Blog Where Eyes are Opened and Souls are Lifted!
Tags: ex gay man, ex drag queen, pastor javon crockett, pastor crockett ex gay man, pastor javon crockett drag queen, javon crockett

Wednesday, February 22, 2012



 Please watch the whole series at Youtube

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Ex-Gay Testimony: Scriptural Truth About Gay Lifestyle [VIDEO]

Ex-Gay Testimony: Scriptural Truth About Gay Lifestyle

Monday, February 20, 2012

Homosexuality is Only One Symptom of a Much Bigger Issue

Homosexuality is Only One Symptom of a Much Bigger Issue

Originally posted on July 20, 2011

I think back to when I was young and how I came to have same sex attraction. I have found that if you think back to your childhood, you will find the answers to why you become homosexual. This may not be the case for some but it would not hurt to as least explore some things from our past.

I know this is not easy for most people with horrific childhood past, but if you can get past the hurt and pain, you can then see that homosexuality is just a symptom of a bigger issue.

I have found through my own self evaluation that once I was able to get past the pain, I knew exactly why I became a lesbian. I didn't come up with one problem in my childhood that stood out but many things.

For me, my mother did not like for me to show her affection or tell her "I love you" in public. She grew frustrated and embarrassed with my outward love for her and she shut me up. She told me this story when I was old enough to understand and as a child, I'm sure it affected me though I did not know at the time. But when I was older, it came to me that I could never measure up to her and she did not want me to show her love.

My parents were not faithful to one another. I saw this growing up and though it was a secret and no one spoke about it, I knew what was going on. My father's girlfriend kicked him out. He came to live back with us, and he had a nervous breakdown. He literally tried to kill myself and my brother with the biggest kitchen knife he could find. I was wounded twice when trying to protect my brother during the incident. (Incidentally, the same neighbor that raped me in my parent's home years before, was the one who called the police when I ran out for help). Though our family went to counseling for years to repair the damage, I know that affected me as well.

I was exposed to pornography when my father left some magazines hidden in a hallway closet. I found myself looking at them and being exposed to adult things that were not appropriate. I found myself wanting to be fulfilled sexually because of what I saw in the magazines.

I had experiences with extended family members and family friends that were more touching than anything but caused me to crave attention from females.

Though my mother did not want me to show her any attention nor did she towards me, she made sure that no other female would. She would literally bar people- mainly women who showed me any attention from my life. One incident was when I had my son, she wanted her good friend to be the godmother and so I agreed. But I did not know, once my son's godmother was a real supporter of me by buying us computers, gifts and a shoulder to lean on, this would cause jealously from my mother. I am not sure what my mother told her but she stopped all contact with me and ignored me completely. When I asked my mother what was going on with her, she only stated she had 'funny' ways. This was one of many instances where my mother would not let any female close to me. This I know contributed to my attraction to women because I was totally isolated from her in a loving mother-daughter way and barred from others.

Now I know I have more stories from my childhood that affected me where I sought out for attention and affection through women. But can you see that all of those things may cause sexual identity issues, communication issues, depression, isolation, low self esteem and more? And all of the above did so in my case. Those were the issues that were much bigger than the symptom of homosexuality for me. Many times, but not all, homosexuality is bred by some issue in our childhoods that triggered this desire to be loved by the same sex. This is a very common issue and more people than we realize suffer from it. We were definitely not born gay.

When I gave my life to Christ and was delivered from homosexuality, it took me years later to start questioning why I 'become' gay? Now this is my story, but what is yours? Did you have any underlining childhood experiences that you can say now probably caused some insecurities in you? Did you lack the attention from your mother or father? Was there a tragic incident that happened to you that could have triggered same sex attraction in your life?

This could be true for anyone. My point in all of this is: we all have experienced some trouble and disappointments in our lives and possibly as a child. When we reach a point where we can start talking or dealing with those issues, I am very sure we can see why some of us lived the lives we did.

The awesome thing about it all is: God loves us and if we trust Him to help us get through the pain and analyze what we have been through in life, we can heal and most importantly, live as He intended and help someone else. He wants us whole and homosexuality is just one symptom of a much bigger issue or issues. It doesn't matter what we have done, God can take it and turn it around for our good.

God Bless.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and want a way out, don't believe the negative hype. You CAN be delivered from being gay, God will do it for you as you come to Him with a open and humble heart. Please visit us True Ex-Gay Talk page to request an appointment to speak with T. Marie.

The Internet's Most Revealing Blog Where Eyes are Opened and Souls are Lifted!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Pastor Jim Domen's Ex Gay Testimony [VIDEO]

Pastor Jim Domen's Ex Gay Testimony [VIDEO]

Saturday, February 18, 2012

How to Build Friendships with The Same Sex After Living as a Homosexual?

How to Build Friendships with The Same Sex After Living as a Homosexual?

This is really pretty straightforward. If you have lived as a homosexual or lesbian, you know that even after change, you have struggled in some ways, feelings for the same sex. I like to just keep it real. Though God saves us and for many, takes the desires for the same sex away, we may still struggle because now we are much more conscious of what we do. I don't remember ever being so in tuned with what I see, do or hear until I made a commitment to serve God.

To be able to build or maintain relationships after leaving the lifestyle, it just takes you being aware of who you are now. Because you are now changed and want to be changed, you need to concentrate on Him more. You can do this by praying, fasting and reading His word. Staying in tuned with His word will always keep you on the right track.

I believe all former lesbians and homosexuals will never, every forget their life back then but their focus is in another direction now. They have purpose and want to please God in all they do. 

By doing so, you are focusing on building healthy relationships with others and those desires are not going to be there like before. Though we are all tempted in many ways in life, your eyes on the prize is the key to it all.

Just remember you don't have to be bound. Don't let the enemy tell you, you can't change or live around people and have good healthy relationships because you can.

God bless.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Gladys Bentley: How A 1920's Entertainer Who Was a Lesbian Changed Her Life

 Gladys Bentley: How A 1920's Entertainer Who Was a Lesbian Changed Her Life

When I read about this, I was pretty surprised to hear of homosexuality being an open issue in the 1920's but really its been around since the bible days. It goes to show that the struggle with the lifestyle has always been around.

This woman was pretty bold with her lifestyle and it was a hit for her career. But she later decided that it was not good for her life and became born again. 

Read the story below:

Gladys Bentley was born on August 12, 1907 in Philadelphia, PA. She was the eldest of 4 children born to a Trinidad born mother, Mary Mote (Bentley) and an American born father, George L. Bentley.

 Bentley was a muscular and masculine girl; by the time she reached adolescence, she knew that her attraction to women made her irreconcilably different from many of the people around her. As a result, she suffered harsh treatment from family, classmates, teachers, and even doctors who claimed they could "cure" her. She left home when she was sixteen.

Bentley moved to Harlem, where she found an underground social culture that included gambling, drug use, drag shows, and other behavior deemed illicit by the broader culture. In this so-called "sporting life," Bentley found the freedom to be an openly lesbian woman without risk of ridicule or abuse. She was not afraid to flaunt her lesbianism by flirting with women in her audiences and talking openly about her sexual escapades.

Dressed in signature tux and top hat , Bentley openly and riotously flirted with women in the audience.

Although on her recordings she did not dare have lesbian lyrics, she certainly played up this image in the clubs and in public. 

In 1950, Bentley wrote an article for Ebony entitled "I am Woman Again" in which she repudiated her former life, claiming to have "lived in a personal hell" of unhappiness and loneliness. She also claimed to have cured her lesbianism via female hormone treatments and was finally at peace after a "hell as terrible as dope addiction". 

She claimed to have married a newspaper columnist named J. T. Gibson (a man who soon after publicly denied that the two had ever wed). In 1952 she married a man named Charles Roberts. He was a cook and 16 years younger than Bentley, who lied on the marriage certificate, stating her age as 36 rather than 45. The two eventually divorced. 

Bentley did manage to still perform, usually at the Rose Room in Hollywood. She recorded a single on the Flame label and appeared twice on Groucho Marx's' television show. At this stage, Bentley became an active and truly devoted member of The Temple of Love in Christ, Inc. She was about to become an ordained minister in the church when she died of a flu epidemic in 1960 at the age of 52.

I truly believe that Ms. Bentley could have been a great support for other males and females who struggled in the lifestyle. By just seeing her change and be devoted to her church and the influence she already had on a community that loved her talent, she could have possibly been one of the greatest influences for change.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 2]

Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 2]

This is part 2 from Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser. 

So, in Part 1, I ended with my talk about how I was sexually abuse by my next door neighbor and how he would taunt me and I was getting fed up with it. Well, the last time I saw this person, I was completely fed up. I was in a homosexual relationship at the time and seeing him really threw me a loop once again. I remember rage rising up in me and I was tired of the constant reminder of what happened to be as a pre-teen.

So it was probably a few months later that I made the decision to confront him. His parents still lived in the same house next to my mother where I grew up. Though he was an adult as well, he would visit them often and I was hoping that he would be there on this particular day. I was ready to confront this demon that haunted me my whole childhood.

I drove up to the house and low and behold his car was there and he was outside washing his car. So, I got out of my car, walked over to him. He had some grin on his face and greeted me as if he did not understand why I was walking up to him. I had never stepped foot in that house after what happened to me so he knew something was wrong. I just belted it out and told him I was tired of him. I told him that he stole my innocence and bragged to our neighborhood friends that he did it in my face. I told him he had the nerve to tell everyone that 'I liked it' and joked about me wearing a training bra. I told him I was no longer afraid of him but tired of seeing his face. He tried to play it off with a chuckle but when he looked into my eyes, he knew I was serious. I pretty much told him I was tired of his smug look and he no longer had control over me. He was shocked because he knew me as a quiet and shy girl but I was no longer that little girl. I was a woman. I had FINALLY confronted the demon that seemed to taunt me forever and, frankly, it felt really good. I was actually liberated and free from the bondage of my sexual abuser.

Needless to say, I was pretty loud when I spoke to him in front of his house and he was astounded and embarrassed. When I turned to leave, his mother came outside and she wanted to know what was going on. I remember now turning back around right before he answered her saying: "Ask him". Then I got back into my car and drove away. I never saw him again.

Later, I wrote his mother a letter telling her that her son was a sexual predator and what he did to me. I never heard back about anything but my mother told me his mother tried explaining that her son has always been a good boy. Yeah... right!!

Though I didn't live with my mother anymore, I knew if I saw him again I would never be in bondage again because at that pivotal moment in my life, I was ready to take back my innocence, my dignity and my self respect. I just wish I could have been able to do it earlier but God's knows just when I should have done it, so I know I was in His Will and His plan.

I wanted to share this very private part of my life because there are many other people who have been sexually abused who lose the innocence of their childhood. When someone is molested or raped, the thought and effect from it is everlasting. I know, for me, it affected me greatly and I am sure it contributed to me feelings for the same sex at an early age. I know it caused me problems communicating, interacting with people and even in my relationships. It caused a block in my life in so many ways that I was never really happy for so, so long. I did not feel pretty or loved because when you are molested or raped, you don't feel loved- just taken advantage of.

So I am free today from that bondage and its been 13 years. I pray that this encourages someone who is reading this and wants to break the bondage of a sexual abuser. I realize that it may not be possible for everyone to confront their abuser, but at least confronting the issue in some way will be helpful and very beneficial for your emotional, psychological and physical health.

Please don't let anyone who has 'violated' you get the victory. As long as you have moved on and have dealt with this, you are fine. Remember you are beautiful in God's eyes and deserving to find true love, be loved and live a prosperous life. Don't let what one person tried to take from you keep you from being happy. Trust me, they have or will pay for their actions. God takes care of our enemies. Stand up bold and be all God called you to be because He loves you and will take care of you. The abuse of a sexual predator is very unfortunate for any of us but forgiveness is the key. I was not able to forgive until I faced it. I never said the words ' I forgive him' but after confronting it, I was released from my past pain. God healed me from that pain I never could have faced without him.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Your Testimony is NOT Just for You: Share it with the World

Your Testimony is NOT Just for You: Share it with the World

 Originally posted on August 12, 2011

When I was delivered from homosexuality nearly 11 years ago, I didn't know what my life would be like after the restoration of my soul. I remember being happy to be on God's side and looking forward to living for Him for the rest of my life.

As I went on with life in this new image of myself in line with Christ, I came faced with some issues. I was truly ashamed of how I lived my life as a lesbian woman. I knew at this time I was now living the way society wanted as well as God but something still was not right. I found myself not able to share my testimony because I was so ashamed of how I had lived. I didn't want people to judge me or talk about me.I had already been ridiculed and had longtime friends turn their backs on me when I was homosexual. I surely did not to be ridiculed or people turning their backs on me again because of my past lifestyle.

Even though I was saved, delivered and living for Christ, I was not very happy. I had no one accept a
friend to speak to whom also was saved from homosexuality. I really didn't grow up in the church and didn't know God wanted me to share my story. Once I tried talking to ministers about my deliverance and they shunned me and made me feel like I was a still a sinner. Then I heard a minister say I didn't have to share my testimony with everyone because some may ridicule me, so I stayed in my shell. This gave me validation to keep my testimony to myself and not be talked about by others. But my life still felt empty. I wondered why I was not being blessed or felt close to God as I was still living fully for Christ. I would go on for years living as a holy and saved woman but had no purpose.

What I mean by that is: I had no purpose in my mind to help anyone else who was lost and wanting out of homosexuality. All I thought about was myself and what others would think of me.

Then God started pulling and tugging at me to start speaking out. I did so by writing about it in a informal way on blogs and forums but nothing that included my testimony. I didn't know that God was setting me up to do what I am doing now. He wanted me to reach out to people in a personal way.

You see, I learned that when God delivers you from your sin, whether its lying, stealing, fornicating, or whatever, he is expecting you to use your testimony. I learned that during my life I was tested, tried and many times did not hear or listen to God calling me to Him. But when I heard Him, and gave my life to Him, at that moment I had a testimony. I was actually mandated to tell anyone who would listen to what He did for me and what He can do for others. I learned my testimony was not just for me and it certainly was not meant to be untold. God saves us because He wants our experience to help someone else. How would you feel if you shared your testimony to someone who needed it an they gave their life to Christ? Trust me you, it is by far the BEST experience you will ever have next to getting saved.

So take it from me, please do be careful who you share your testimony with but do not let others who don't share your joy, keep you from telling your story to those who need it. Find a venue or outlet that gets to the people who really need to hear your story, your testimony.

Make sure to remember what God has done for you and He expects us to help others. In return, He will bless us in ways we have never seen before and have a relationship with Him that exceeds our wildest dreams.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and want a way out, don't believe the negative hype. You CAN be delivered from being gay, God will do it for you as you come to Him with a open and humble heart. Please visit us True Ex-Gay Talk page to request an appointment to speak with T. Marie.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Don't Take Ownership of Problems That Aren't Yours

Don't Take Ownership of Problems That Aren't Yours

Have you ever had relationships with family, friends, co workers, etc., and you felt like you always had some part of their issues? This can be a serious problem for anyone that find themselves becoming so much a part of person where their issues are your issues. 

The problem with this is becoming so involved in what is going on with someone's life and neglecting your own. Sometimes people expect you to take on their issues as your own and try and fix them. Now, don't get me wrong, if you have someone in your life that is dedicated to you and you for them on the same level, then this will be automatic for you. In this case, there is nothing good that comes out of us taking on someone's issues that many times do not care that much for us.

What I have found is: While we are pouring all of our resources, time and effort into a person we think loves us, we may be losing sight of who we are. I was a victim of this for a long time. In relationships, we sometimes give much, much more than we receive. We give love, time, money and anything we can to keep or be loved by a particular person. But believe me, if we don't get much of that back in return which should be reciprocated, then what are we really doing? What exactly is beneficial for us emotionally and psychologically if we really don't receive the same love as we give out?

We sometimes try to solve others' problems by making them very comfortable and putting our own problems on the back burner. We seem to sometimes consume ourselves in someone's past, present and future without realizing those issues are becoming a part of who were are; how we think; how we approach life; what we accept or not accept things and ultimately our full being. When we take on others' issues that really don't mean us any mind, we lose out more than they do.

I wanted to talk about this because, as we people with our own issues, it is not healthy for us to take on the caregiver role and sometimes neglect our own cares for someone's happiness. We have to seek out help and guidance for ourselves first and then we can help and assist others in appropriate ways with limits, if need be.

This post is not here to tell people not to pour all you can into someone who you love dearly and are close to. What I want to make clear is, like myself, I wasn't dealing with my own issues but I had all of the time and resources to do it for someone else. I was left broken, needy and confused because I had not cared for myself and the same person that claimed to care for me, never sought to it, to make sure my needs were met. I was losing out in all kinds of ways until I realized that people don't define me.

It was years ago that I realized God would fulfill me more than anyone and I did not need to take ownership of other's issues to find love that really was never there. I learned that God was always there and wanting to be a part of someone's life did not mean I had to be part owner in a stake of their life.

God bless!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 1]

Break The Bondage of A Sexual Abuser

WARNING: This story may be very disturbing. Please read with caution

I have decided this subject needs to be touched upon. Not everyone can tackle these issues but I want to welcome anyone who has experienced the painful struggle that victims of sexual abuse have endured and still do as adults, to hear me out on this. I am speaking to anyone- man, woman, boy or girl- You can get through your sexual abuse from childhood or as an adult. God can help you through it.

I would like to use my own experience to show that sexual abuse can fester in our minds and throughout our bodies if we don't know how to deal with it. Now, I am not stating this is easy to do. I know how long it took me into slavery for many, many years and diseased my inner core. I know what the bondage feels like and how it torments you everyday of your life.

I was only 10 years old when I was raped by my next door neighbor who was 5 years older than me at the time. He was always winking and talking dirty to me when no one was around but I would ignore him. He would literally watch out like a predator for when my mother would leave for work. This is when he would come knocking at my bedroom window which was facing their driveway or he would come to the back door knocking to get in. 

Well, one day soon after my mother left for work, he came to the back door wanting a glass of water. I remember telling him that he should go home and get some water. I'd leave the room and he'd continue to knock. He claimed he was locked out of his house and just wanted a small cup of water. Against my best judgement, I fell for his trick and unlocked the door and handed him the paper cup of water. Instead of drinking the water, he threw it down and came after me. While I struggled to get away from him in the kitchen, he grabbed me and ultimately had his way. 

I remember it didn't last but a few minutes because he did not know my father was on his way back home. We heard my father pull up in front of the house and he ran around to the windows to see if he could see which way he was going to come into the house. Once he realized that my father was walking through the drive way, he made his way out of the house through the front door. But before he left, he made it very clear that if I told anyone, he'd kill me.

So I remember fixing my clothes and trying to act as normal as possible when my father came into the house. I must mention that all of this happened with my little brother in the living room.

As I was afraid to tell my father what happened, I remember just letting it go. I can't quite remember what I was feeling at the time but something changed inside me. I started having visions of the rape and I felt dirty and unattractive. I remember how all of the kids in the neighborhood would hang out near the house and talk. I will never forget how he would look at me like he stole something from me and no one would ever know because he reminded me he would kill me if I told it. Can you imagine living next door to a rapist until I was an adult? 

So for years, he would give me the 'eye' to let me know he had control over me; he took my virginity and no one would ever find out because he knew I was afraid of him. As I became a teen and dated boys, he would question me about them and threaten to tell my mother about them coming by when she wasn't home. He literally hassled me about guys I dated like he had so much control over my life. I would snap back at him and tell him to mind his own business.
As time went on, I eventually gave birth to my son and moved out a few years later. I remember I felt like he was stalking or haunting me at times. Many times I would be in town and would see him with his girlfriend and he'd give me 'the look' and even his girlfriend thought we were going out or something. If only she knew he was my childhood rapist who won't let me forget he stole my innocence from me. 
There was one last time when I saw him before I decided to deal with this once and for all in my twenties. This would be the last time he'd keep me in bondage.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of  "Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 1]"

Sunday, February 12, 2012

How Can I Concentrate on My Deliverance When the World Celebrates Gays?

How Can I Concentrate on My Deliverance When the World Celebrates Gays?

Originally posted on 5/31/2011

This is a very important question and the issue is one that  ex-homosexuals deal with day after day in their walk with Christ. As ex-homosexuals, we know all too well how difficult it can be with the ever increasing need for the homosexual community to seen and accepted under false pretenses.

Now during our walk with Jesus, and the acceptance of our deliverance from Him, we have stepped into a realm of spiritual warfare. For the bible states in Ephesians 6:12:
"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood; but against principalities and power, against the rulers of the world of this darkness, against the spirits of wickedness in the high places." 
This realm of spiritual warfare is a continual battle against Satan and his desire to sift us as wheat. (Luke 22:31). The enemy Satan still wants our souls even as we have left 'his world of sin' and committed our lives to Christ. The battle to win our souls over Christ will never cease because he wants to take over the world.

The enemy knows that if he can use as many distractions as he can to try and discourage even the ex-homosexual who knows the truth with:

1) legalization of gay marriages and civil unions
2) the 'coming out' testimonies of homosexuals
3) the changing of laws to include gay rights
4) the implementation of gays and lesbians in the media industry
5) even teen suicide of those ostracized for being gay

Satan is banking on these obstacles to compound our spirit so we may backslide and no longer believe in the fight for righteousness and our deliverance from God. He wants us to feel this is a lost generation and that there is no hope for them. The enemy hates that we have walked away and that we despise him. The bible reminds us: “If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (John 15:19). The hatred of sin and our love for God is evident and we must recognize the enemy's trap.

But Satan is a liar as stated in John 8:44. For we chose God as our personal savior and Lord. He gives us strength in the midst of storms and He told us to be strong and courageous because he would never leave us. Deuteronomy 31:6. Since we know that the enemy is on an assignment to take our souls to hell with him, we have to stay in God's word.

God's word, the bible, will comfort and lead anyone that has been delivered from homosexuality. As ex-homosexuals, we have to continue to read the word of God and be reminded of his grace and goodness. 
Just as we had to do when we were first saved, we must do now. Many of us stayed in our bibles and surrounded ourselves with Godly people who kept us encouraged while we started our walk with Jesus. We have to continue to the same now and even more. By reading the word of God daily, we develop a renewed since of faith and how He gives us strength to move forward in times like these.

These are evil times and for some of us, homosexuality was not as prevalent when we lived the lifestyle as it is today. Having prayer everyday with God is essential in staying in the spirit of God so we can ask God for strength and guidance and be bold as a lion as we help others who are trapped in the homosexual lifestyle. We have to remember that God has given us a purpose and we have to fulfill it because He saw fit to save us. By staying in prayer, we are reminded of how God saved us from our past sinful ways and that we have an obligation to stay on the right track ignoring distractions of this world. Our perseverance and witnessing of God's love will make all the difference to the many souls that need help out of the homosexual lifestyle. So concentrating on witnessing to others, will keep the distractions from affecting our purpose.

God never said our walk would be easy in fact He told us we would be persecuted for living a life for Him. But if we keep our minds on our purpose and not the distractions of Satan's plans, we will be able to fulfill God law and live in it as examples for our children's children.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and want a way out, don't believe the negative hype. You CAN be delivered from being gay, God will do it for you as you come to Him with a open and humble heart. Please visit us True Ex-Gay Talk page to request an appointment to speak with T. Marie.

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Are You Sure You Will Be Gay for Life?

Are You Sure You Will Be Gay for Life?

Originally published on July 7, 2011

I speak to many people who question ex-homosexuality and if they will live as a homosexual for life. Well, of course some of these people are just dead against being anything opposite of their gay life. I cry a bit on the inside every time I hear this because I was there. I loved God but just didn't see what else there was for me. But for me I was shy. I lived as a lesbian but I didn't want everyone to know it. I didn't want to show affection to the person I was with in public. I truly had some shame in being a homosexual. I know now that  it wasn't really my true life's destiny.

I realized years later that I only wanted to be with a woman because I had decided I was done with men. I was only 22 years old and had a nearly 2 year old son. The relationship with his father was rocky and we ultimately broke up at that time. It was like something came over me and I wanted to try meeting women but  knew the attraction to them was there from a child. I remember feeling like I was seeking revenge on men who had hurt me.

I had a friend who was not gay (go figure) but would go to gay clubs with a women and her friends just to hear the 'house music'. This friend of mine knew I had feelings for women years before as I concealed and fought against them as I dated boys in high school. She was the only woman I could confide in about my feelings who never judged me and I trusted her. Well, long story short, I started going out with them to these clubs and that's when my life as a bisexual woman started and then exclusively living as a lesbian.

I met a few women and really wanted a serious relationship with one of them. I wasn't the player type. That's never been my thing. I was seeking love and I was for sure I'd get it from a woman. But true love never came the way I thought. There were fights and arguments I had never experienced and I never knew women could act like this toward one another. But this is what two broken people do.

Anyway, my dreams of being gay for life seemed strange but I still had these feelings I was dealing with. Ultimately, I lived as a lesbian for 7 years but life was not very good. I was not fulfilled and I was just breathing.

What I am saying is this: In life many of us have same sex attraction and some of us act it out which is homosexuality. We are seeking something that we never had or to fill a big hole in our spirits from possibly childhood abuse, neglect or many others elements. Just when we open our spirits up to seeking relations with the same sex, we think in our minds "This is it. I'm gay for life." But many times this is just a way to medicate the pain we have not dealt with.

For me, I was hurt by my son's father whom I had a long term relationship. In the back of my mind, I knew he was not serious enough for me but I dealt with the lies and cheating because I wanted someone in my life. So when that didn't work out, I needed something, someone to love me and I was sure a woman could do that.  But Satan was setting a trap for me and I fell right in. And trust me, I suffered on the inside for years until I surrendered to God's word.

Many gays and lesbians are broken people with broken spirits seeking love and many times in the wrong places. When we find that homosexuality seems to fulfill our physical desires and makes us think we are spiritually fulfilled, we are instantly fooled by the enemy. But no one ever told us before we dove in that it would only last for a while. No one told us that the same sex can't possibly fulfill us because it is not God's ordination.  The feelings only last for so long and for many gays, it becomes a terror.

No one promised us being gay was for life. We may have wanted it but it was just a feeling not a believing. Being gay is less emotional than some think. Its really purely physical and the emotional part is usually tied into filling up that gaping hole.

So if you are struggling with whether you think being gay is life's destiny for you, look a bit deeper. I guarantee you, something will stick out and make you question it. God's waiting to get you back on track with Him. He did it for me and many others, he surely can do it for anyone who loves Him enough to surrender.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and want a way out, don't believe the negative hype. You CAN be delivered from being gay, God will do it for you as you come to Him with a open and humble heart. Please visit us True Ex-Gay Talk page to request an appointment to speak with T. Marie.

Friday, February 10, 2012

No Need for Fancy Counseling- God's Deliverance is for FREE

No Need for Fancy Counseling- God's Deliverance is for FREE

Originally published on June 8, 2011

I hear of many people who have spent thousands of dollars on counseling and programs to help them 'stop homosexuality'. Many people, perhaps go into these circumstances believing they can stop the behavior by attending these kinds of programs. I don't want to give the impression that they wouldn't work for someone but for many it is not needed. The information given at some of these programs are probably very helpful and surely have helped those who could embrace it.

What I have learned through the people I have spoken to is the person is looking for the 'program' to work for them. I always say anything that does not have biblical approach to it will not in many cases work. Sometimes we just don't see any other options but to dish out money for help.

But I am a witness that if a person realizes that all external things may not work, its time to look to a higher power. This higher power is Our Lord Jesus Christ. I tried looking for people and churches to help me rid of my misery of living as a homosexual. In my case, I was turned down and ridiculed by church leaders who literally shook their heads at me in disgust or slammed a door in my face. I was bruised and depressed by how my life would turn out which gave me less a reason to want to get out.

Finally, I read the bible with my then girlfriend who wanted out of homosexuality and this was my day. I felt God's love like never before. I heard Him speak to me for the first time and I was listening. The shame, guilt and tears just came down on me like never before. I accepted Him totally for the first time and I knew I had been living my life against His will. Suddenly on the day in 1999, I no longer wanted to be a homosexual but wanted to live for Him and never turn back. And I truly never turned back.

All I want people to know is everyone can find deliverance where ever they are. The fancy counseling and paid programs that want to prove a person can stop homosexuality is only partly true. These programs can help a person focus on the program and ways to stop it but it is not the same as being 'delivered', 'saved' or 'set free' from it.

The difference in the two is: a behavior can be stopped but picked up again. There's no tangible spiritual reason to never do it again and there's nothing to stand on. Fortunately, when a person is 'delivered' from the homosexuality lifestyle, it is washed by the blood of Jesus. Jesus Christ has intercepted one moment in their lives where He heard their plea for help and supernaturally touched them. A person in this case, does not want to be a homosexual any longer and the desires are washed away. Only Jesus can deliver a person from being gay not a program.

So for anyone that feels they need to go to a program to be delivered from homosexuality, this will not work. If you are looking to 'stop' homosexuality, this may help temporarily but not ultimately.

I was delivered by reading the bible in a motel room as I was homeless at the time. And mine you, I didn't want to read the bible that day. My girlfriend at the time wanted to and I finally accepted. As she began to read the bible, the spirit of God became so clear to me. After years of being a lesbian, I finally surrendered to God and He saved me and her too! God saved me her through her desire to change which helped me reach out one more time to Him and I am so grateful. It was that one day of just saying YES to a bible reading that changed my life forever.

Deliverance from homosexuality is available and it is for FREE. God's love, mercy and grace is FREE. Your salvation is FREE because He already paid the price on the cross.

So if you are tired of trying to find ways to finally be delivered from the gay lifestyle, it can be done through Jesus if you are willing to listen.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and want a way out, don't believe the negative hype. You CAN be delivered from being gay, God will do it for you as you come to Him with a open and humble heart. Please visit us True Ex-Gay Talk page to request an appointment to speak with T. Marie.

The Internet's Most Revealing Blog!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

How Will I Handle My Next Visit to See My Mother

How Will I Handle My Next Visit to See My Mother

It is really amazing how God listens to our prayers and our thoughts. It's so easy to think when we want or need something, He does not hear us, does not want us to have it or does not respond at all when we pray. But we all need to know that for whatever we ask Him in prayer He hears it. What He really responds to (and not limited to) is the pureness of our hearts. Remember He knows our hearts completely, and wants to bless us in every way. 

Now I wanted to set the tone for this post because in the past 1 1/2 years, I have been hearing God speak to me and I have answered Him. I started seeking more purpose in my life and would ask Him to help me be what He wanted me to be. You see, sometimes we think we know what's best for us. This can range from family, career and almost anything. We go after things that God allows but is not really our purpose in life. So, I started wanting to hear more of Him because not all of my choices were right for me in life. Even after being delivered, this did not change my whole life completely. It only helped me get on the right track and face the many other issues I needed to confront. 

I know I am probably rambling on and I some of you know this about me (LOL), but really I have a point in this and will get to the subject at hand.

So, I have asked God in prayer to lead and guide me the way in which I should go in His eyes, not mine. I remember in 2010, he started shifting me and business (not this ministry) and I started receiving more purpose in my life by just accepting the call. My business partner and I wanted to do more for God in the work we do so when she heard God speak about changing things, I agreed because I felt it too but did not know exactly how to. 

Then I personally sought God to deal with family issues of the past. As you may know, I did not have the best relationship with my mother growing up and for some reason God has been dealing with me on this issue more so in the past 2 years. I have prayed about it and He has been moving me in a certain direction. I made up in my mind that I would face all of my issues. This included whatever I needed to with my mother. Due to my desire to break any generational curses of family dysfunctionality, I started facing my emotions about my mother and things I needed to discuss with her. Now to make a long story short, I literally moved to a state to be closer to my mother yet I received some flack for it. Though I was asked to do so, so we could be closer, she did not respond in the same matter as she originally did. I'll admit that that was hurting.

Anyway, God has allowed me to go through an array of feelings about this and I am determined to face them, deal with them and move on. I have too much work for God to be hindered my anything or anyone. Again, I need to say: I am alright with the fact that my mother and I may never be close as I want but I love and honor her. Ultimately, I only want to deal with my issues and be able to be spiritually prosperous and sound in my walk with God. That is truly my only purpose.

So, next month I plan to visit her and wanted to start dealing with how it may go as far as the visit is concerned. I know I will speak with her about some things because I just need to address them but this time around I will make sure to leave more secure and at peace. I have always had a mind to conquer whatever she thought I could not handle but this time, its really all about me. I want to be closer to God and do His Will and by just hearing Him in this, I will concentrate on what He wants out of this and not some selfish image building strategy. 

I wanted to share this because when I visit my mother soon, I will face things that I know some of you may understand.Things like betrayal, trust and childhood abuse mentally or physically are what some of have had to deal with.

I only wanted to share this to maybe enlightened someone dealing the same issues. Maybe you just want to clear the air on some things with your parents or loved one. Maybe that is all you need to move forward. Well, I believe the healing starts when we confront issues like this and God will be there as long as we pray for guidance.

What will you seek God to face in your life?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Overcoming Homosexuality: You Can't Do This By Yourself!

Overcoming Homosexuality: You Can't Do This By Yourself!

I was thinking about when I gave my life to Christ back in 1999 and it was the day after Thanksgiving. I actually saw the world in a different light. Everything appeared to be different to me. The familiar city I grew up in felt like a foreign place as if I had just moved there. I was clearly on a new journey and I knew my life would never be the same from that day forth.

At first, I never thought about what support I needed in the process. I had always been the type of person that I thought I could handle and conquer anything. But I did not realize that it would be very difficult to do this with no other support outside of reading my bible and praying to God. Though the woman I used to be with received Jesus the same day I did, we both needed support outside of ourselves. 

We tried contacting churches and ministries to help us but most people just shunned us and turned their noses up to us. As a new Christian,  it was confusing to realize that some churches and ministries don't recognize being formerly homosexual has a blessing from God. So, we had to just encourage each other and depend on God. And ultimately, this is what we all have to do if we don't have any help. We can rely on Him completely even in the really hard times; the really lonely times and the really confusing times. He is your 'all and all' and always believe in this.

Now, with that being said, I still believe people need help from others because we just naturally need one another. I know that I tackled my struggle without it but I just could not find the resources. And I will never, ever, ever, ever say it was easy because it was not. There were times I was completely confidant about my salvation and then there were times I felt I had not changed at all. Even in the moments of thoughts and feelings seeming to overwhelm me, that is when I felt my salvation was slipping; at least that is how I saw it. But I found out God does not condemn me for thoughts but only what I do with my thoughts. And I have to say, I developed a real fear of God and knew He was watching my every move and that was enough for me to stay strong. If you really think about how God really sees and watches over us all day long, then we realize that He cares about our true walk with Him.

The fact of the matter is: we really can not do this by ourselves. Our walk away from the lifestyle and walking beside God now, requires we continually seek Him in prayer and fasting and get in touch with people who really care and want the best for us. So, if you can get in contact with some group or ministry that can truly give you support you need in this struggle, you should.

That is why I make myself available to whomever wants or needs support and guidance. The fact that I did not get that kind of support is why I do what I do all the more. I know what it feels like to face the world and wonder if people know what you used to be. I know what if feels like to not know how to relate to people especially the same sex after being saved. I also know what it feels like to not have anyone you can talk to and when you do open up, they walk away because they can't deal with it. It seems like once you decide to leave the gay lifestyle, everything is new and unfamiliar. You literally have to start training yourself how to deal with certain people certain ways- At least that is what I faced.

So, you don't have to do this alone. God would rather us reason together and help one another. The best thing I could have done in my whole life is testify what God did for me. It literally was more important than life itself to me. It changes you on the inside and the joy is overwhelming.

Do you need help today? Are you struggling and don't know how to face life in the midst of change or even after change? Well, I know you can't do this by yourself. I'm here if you need to support.

God bless.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Scriptures for Praying and Fasting

 Scriptures for Praying and Fasting

I wanted to share with everyone who is joining me in the fast this week, scriptures that help me during a fast. If you read them all at once or one per day, it will help strengthen you during the day. 

God Bless!
Isaiah 40:28-31- Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

1 Chronicles 16:11-  Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. 

Exodus 15:2- The LORD is my strength and my defense;  he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Philippians 4:13-  I can do all this through him who gives me strength. 

Psalm 18:32-34- It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

1 Corinthians 10:13-  No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Psalm 119:23 -  Though rulers sit together and slander me, your servant will meditate on your decrees.


The God of All Comfort Can Comfort Us In All Things

The God of All Comfort Can Comfort Us In All Things

I believe that God is truly in the midst of all of our situations. He is watching over us even when we don't feel Him or know it. I think about the many times I felt alone, betrayed, misunderstood and abandoned in what I was going through at the time. I was always the type of person that thought I could handle anything. Though I know God gave me some extraordinary strength at times I had no idea how I survived, I did not always know He was comforting me at the same time.

Have you ever felt like you were losing it and going out of your mind? Have you ever thought: "just one more thing" would push you over the edge? Well, I have too. I was speaking to a close friend recently and addressed the thought of suicide. My friend asked had I ever had thoughts of taking me life. My thoughts went to a time when I was a teen and how I was always ridiculed for being shy and not popular in high school. I remember just having the thoughts about it but I remember talking to and encouraging myself and in minutes I got rid of that thought. I knew I really did not want to but despair made me think I did. 

Truthfully, though that was the first time I had thoughts of suicide, that is not the answer I gave to my friend. I answered their question with an example of when I was homeless. If you don't know my story about being homeless for a 1 1/2 years then let me fill you in. When I was homosexual, my partner and my son became homeless because we were being harassed. (I'll save the rest for my book). We lived in motel rooms and in our car the whole time. I'm not sure if you know what it feels like to be harassed by the police for parking on the street in your car or finding people looking in your car window while you slept the night before or using the public restrooms to wash up for the day while people angrily waited outside the door to use it. These were some really tough times for us and I was suicidal. Not just because of those things I mentioned but more so feeling inadequate in front of my son and feeling things may never change. I had seen homeless people on the street for years and I prayed we would come out of it because I knew we couldn't last much longer.

Well, there were many times depression overwhelmed me and while I was driving on the highway, I truly felt like driving over the cliff. Many days the thoughts came to me but there was one thing that stopped me: a flash of my son's face before my eyes. I knew then that I had to be strong for him because he deserved to have a better life. I know now that it was my son and God why I stopped having those thoughts. Though I still suffered greatly living on the street, there were no options but to make it. We were going to make it and God made it happen! 

When I think about how I was comforted in these situations, I think that all of the emptiness inside was filled day by day with God's love. He gave me peace at night sleeping in the car with my family at the time when anything could have happened to us. He covered us with a veil of protection every night we spent in the car or in a motel room. He loved us so that He made sure that we would keep a sound mind while in it and coming out of it. 

So, I just wanted to say that God is the ultimate comforter. There is no one who can hug and hold you long enough and tight enough then Jesus can. Though people's embrace surely helps in times of despair and trouble, when that is not enough, there is God and He is the one who fills it all, AT ALL times. 

Find comfort in Jesus Christ! For He alone can make you whole and raise you up with strength, power and love.

God Bless! 

Here's some scriptures that will help you understand more of how God comforts us and the power we have because of his comfort and love for us: 

The bible says: 

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore. 

(Psalms 121.7-8)

 But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.
(Psalms 5.11-12)

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them.

(Psalms 145.18-19)

  1. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
  2. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
  3. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
  4. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
  5. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
  6. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
  7. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
  8. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
  9. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
(Matthew 5.3-12)

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

(Romans 8.38-39)

God said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am I strong.  

(2 Corinthians 12.9-10)

Monday, February 6, 2012

When You Face Life's Issues, What Do You Do with The Aftermath of Stress?

When You Face Life's Issues, What Do You Do with The Aftermath of Stress?

 I wanted to address this because as we are working on our spirits and seeking God, much of the issues that we are addressing now leave an aftermath of hurt feelings, depression, anxiety and other emotions.
So, I wanted to share with you some ways I deal with the stress of digging into my past and confronting some of the deepest issues of my life. But even though I find it stressful and emotionally taxing, I truly believe confronting them is the best way to get close to God. He will bless us and give us true peace by dealing with our past and present issues. 

Just to give you some background, I was then, the expert at not dealing with issues. When my father had is mental breakdown, I was told to 'just deal' with it and move on. All through my childhood, I was never taught to confront issues and I assume this is because my family did not face issues themselves. We did not talk or discuss anything and my parents essentially handled everything and kept my brother and I naive and clueless. I am sure many people have been through this too, so this is why it is important to manage the stress of confronting issues. 

I'll admit I still deal with family issues, and all I want to do is confront them, understand them, put them to rest and live my life. I do feel most people desire this as well.

If you don't mind me taking you through what I do to keep the anxiety and stress down while I'm living to please Christ, I think it would be helpful for you too. Actually, its a lifestyle change.

When you are starting to deal with unresolved issues or issues that seem to need your attention now in life, its always best to seek God in prayer. This is the best medicine or remedy ever. Seeking His face will relieve you of most of your stress and I have learned that my suggestions below will help God see us as good stewards over our bodies which is the temple of God.

1) We can start by watching our diets. By making sure you minimize your intact of sugar, high calorie fatty foods and salt, your brain can handle the added stress of the problems you are facing. In addition, make sure to eat fruits and vegetables and drink plenty of water. I don't eat red meat but once every few months but I do eat chicken, fish and turkey. I drink water all day and maybe a soda once a week.

2) If you try and do some kind of exercise like walking the neighborhood or working out at least 4 times a week for 30 minutes to an hour, this really relieves the stress. I try to walk and/or workout 4 times a week. I also do deep breathing exercises daily. Taking deep breaths in and holding it for 7 seconds and repeating it 10 times, truly takes the stress and tightness from your head and breathes more oxygen through your brain. It is a true stress reliever.

3) If you don't already, please take a multiple vitamin like a One A Day for men or women. Its very important that we get our daily vitamins because food is not enough. Also, if you don't have much energy during the day, a multi vitamin is a great energy and mood enhancer. Not everyone believes in vitamins, but trust me they work. I'm 43 years old with no existing health issues. It's kind of nice being mistaken for my son's sister! (Sometimes)

Believe it or not, I have been taking an array of vitamins and herbs on a daily basis for nearly 15 years. After my grandmother passed, I was on a mission to find a vitamin or herb cure for heart attacks. I found a combination of them that I wished I could have given her. But I became intrigued by health food so I self taught myself about nutrition. I even managed a few nutrition stores in the past and was truly hooked! (If you want to know what a vitamin or herb supplement is good for, contact me). Seriously, I used to have people thanking me for relieving them of all kinds of ailments.

So, that brings us to the next way to relieve stress while dealing with life's issues and struggles.

4) Drink a herbal tea at least once a day. First of all, I suggest drink green tea because it is an antioxidant that fights against free radicals which are agents that cause or promote sickness and diseases. If you want to fight against ever having cancer, start drinking green tea. It's also an energy booster.

Also, to wind down my day, I drink chamomile tea. Chamomile is a calming herb that relaxes your mind and your body and you sleep well too. It helps take away the stress of the day or if you are just particularly stressed in general, try chamomile tea. Now, I only drink one cup every couple of days because for me, it gets me too relaxed and I sleep longer than expected. So, please try it out on a evening when you are staying home and off from work or school the next day. Some people may take a double bag in their tea cup; but don't call me saying you missed work because you didn't wake up on time!  LOL!! It depends on the person but it is all safe and natural. I have been drinking it for years.

Hint: If you want to reduce gray hair from growing, drink chamomile tea.

5) Lastly, sometimes it is just time to 'get out of dodge'. If you haven't heard of that term, sorry I'm old school. LOL! Anyway, you have to take time out for yourself. Take a long drive, spend the afternoon alone and do some things to relax and pamper yourself. It's essential we do this from time to time to... everyone say: RELIEVE MY STRESS. That's right. I recently just took off for the weekend because the stress was 'upon me' and I believe in 'doing me' sometimes. Don't let life keep you from taking care of yourself. It's really not that serious nor worth your physical and mental health.

There is probably more I could suggest but that is the jest of it. I didn't mean to get on the health tip and guide you like your parent but I had to discipline myself by using these methods as much as possible because life for me as well as you can be very, very stressful. Why go through all of the stress and ultimately shorten our lives because we did not know what we could do to relieve the pressures.

I hope this helps you and I wanted to also share this video with you of a 74 year old woman who is more fit than any 20 year old I've seen. She has transformed her body and I am sure she has added at least another 40-50 years to her life. She also cured her stress and anxiety by wanting to be healthy. When the bible says God promises us 120 years, she lady has proven you can be saved and fit.

She's a true role model.

God bless!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

How Homelessness and Homosexuality Gave Me a Willing Heart To Help Others

How Homelessness and Homosexuality Gave Me a Willing Heart To Help Others

I have always had a heart for people in general but in this instance, I did not know what God was doing in my life. I remember when I was homeless back in 1998, I was blessed to have a car and a job. It's kind of ironic but I cared more about the homeless sleeping in the park and under a cardboard box than I did my own life's state. I remember driving by Lake Merritt in Oakland, Ca. and I saw a man and women sitting on a park bench. It was raining 'cats and dogs; out there and I was getting sick to my stomach seeing them suffer through it. I  was with my now best friend (the former girlfriend whom I accepted Jesus into my life with) and we felt so bad that we at least had a car to sleep in but they were going to have to weather through the rainy storm. 

I remember it like it was yesterday.  We drove to a McDonald's restaurant nearby and bought them something to eat. As it may be hard to believe, we actually went through some of our things in the car to give to them. We were actually living out of our car.  We found both umbrellas and a watch I had been holding onto for years that, for some reason seemed to give me comfort. I gave up that comfort for someone in the same living situation as myself but worse off.

I’ll never forget how we walked up to the man and woman seated on the bench, as they held up one half broken umbrella to cover themselves. When they saw our faces, they seemed perplexed yet thrilled to see us hand them food and the umbrellas we had. I remember handing the older woman my watch and she smiled with a twinkle in her eye in the midst of the dark sky. I felt so warm inside yet hurt that I could not do more even in my situation. They both kept saying thank you and we replied with ‘take care’ and ‘we love you’ and ‘keep the faith’. I even prayed and cried for them from time to time.

You can imagine how my heart would nearly stop every time I drove by the park, hoping to see them again and give them what I could at the time. Unfortunately, I never saw them again and it’s been over 13 years and I still think of them.

This is why I do what I do. I support the homeless and I try and support those struggling in their spirits. I know now God did not want me to be that famous artist I had always dreamed of being, but to work for His kingdom. 

This story may seem like it has nothing to do with the homosexual lifestyle but it made a big difference in the coming years for me. While I was living as a homosexual and homeless at the time, God was showing me things I would have never seen before. It worked through me and whom I call my “God given sister” at those critical moments having to live in a car or motels. I did not know it then but he was setting me up for ministry and I would have never, ever went this route.

I try and explain to people that just because I grew up United Methodist and attended Catholic school, did not make me a Christian. We never spoke about God in our home growing up. I guess my parents, in some ways, thought school would teach me what I needed to know. (I’ll go into that on another post). But what I did not know, God was working in me even as a child. He brought me to this point and who would have imagined? 

So I shared this because, I think we don’t always know what we are destined to be or do. You may see yourself as a homosexual, bisexual, transgender now but what will God do in your life? What is He setting your up for that you may not realize at this time? If you have left an alternative lifestyle, you may not know what your future will bring through a relationship Jesus Christ. 

What I like to tell people is: When you pray, pray for wisdom, guidance and to do God’s will. When I started asking God to do as He will with my life, He opened up doors I never would have imagined.  I started to see life with my eyes open for the first time and I had true purpose. I still see my life as pretty simple but I my spirit is filled with His love.

What can God do for you even during your struggles? If you have walked away from homosexuality or other alternative lifestyles, what are your plans now? You may have no idea but I promise you, if you pray for wisdom, guidance and to do His will, He will truly bless you like you never seen before.  The real key to breaking these desires and strongholds, is wanting to change but most importantly, changing to PLEASE HIM. All He wants is your willing heart and He will do the rest. Just when you think its too difficult, giving it over to Him will prove He will fight your battles. It was never yours in the first place.

By doing so, you’ll be filled with joy, happiness, purpose and a yearning drive to please Him in all you do.

God bless!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Can You Really Stop Being Homosexual? [See VIDEO]

Can You Really Stop Being Homosexual? [See VIDEO]

This is a powerful testimony and proves if you say you don't have desire for men as a lesbian, it can be restored by God. By giving your life to Christ, He will restore you to what He wanted you to be. And there is so much to this testimony. This young lady is only 19 years old! There is true deliverance in Jesus Christ. See for yourself.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Another Test After Being Delivered from Homosexuality

Another Test After Being Delivered from Homosexuality

I was just thinking that we as former homosexuals have been tested, tried and tempted many times. It''s just like Jesus being tempted in the wilderness by Satan at every hand. 

Well, I wrote previously that I was faced with two tests the first year of being delivered from homosexuality. But I just had to mention one other but the difference in this one is it was many years later.

I had been delivered from the gay lifestyle over five years and what I had to deal with this time resulted in extreme growth in faith in God and my walk with Him overall. I remember living in Atlanta for a few years and I was pursuing my art career at the time and planning to open an art gallery there. I had met and networked with many artists and organizations to get this started. It was all a great plan as I thought.

So, I needed to work an extra job to get things going, and I took a job at a clothing store in town. I really did not like the job that much, but I was able to put away for my business and would only be working there for 6 months. I went to work and was even offered a managerial position but I turned that down because that was not my goal.

Anyway, I started noticing something a bit strange about the manager of the store. She seemed very quiet and peculiar to me. I really did not like her much because I thought she was on some kind of power trip but actually that was just a small part of her personality. She would literally sit in her office and talk on her cell phone all day long

Then, I started hearing rumors about her being a lesbian and people were complaining about how she would look at women at the job and flirt with them. I had not seen this coming from her but I did believe she was homosexual at that point. Well, her affections seemed to turn toward me and I saw clearly that she wanted people to know what she was. At this point, I tried to ignore it because I only had a few more months to save up and I'd be out of there. I wasn't going to worry about her issue because I have been saved from it. I hate to sound like that but this was before I started witnessing to other homosexuals and that I had not even shared my testimony with anyone. At that time, all I knew was I was trying to start my business and this job was helping me do it but I had no idea what God had in store for me.

As time went on, the atmosphere at the job was getting very uncomfortable. People were gossiping more about the manager and she was letting it all hang out by inviting her friends to the store while they walked and shopped together. This was absolutely becoming not worth my time because the 'mess' attached to my paycheck was disturbing my spirit. So, it all came to a head and many of us were confronted by corporate officials about the rumors going around about the manager. Yes! Corporate officials of this clothing chain flew in from out of town to get down to the rumors spreading around about management. Apparently, someone spoke to another employee at another store and they contacted corporate. 

So here I am being called in as well to discuss this rumor. As they tried, and I will use that word lightly, to interrogate me to see if I was involved in what they called 'malicious' behavior, I stopped them in their tracks. I told them I have too much integrity to involve myself in gossip about anyone. 'These people' I call them, had the audacity to make me feel like I would belittle a homosexual when, little did they know, I had lived the life once too. They were indignant to say the least and seemed to threaten me of losing my job.

I listened to them talk a bit more and something rose up in me and I told them I was a Christian and an ex homosexual. I told them that though I don't believe in the lifestyle, it was not my business to ridicule someone else if they are. The whole room froze in time as they could not believe what I had told them.

But to make a long story short, I told them to keep their job and I did not appreciate being accused. I took off my badge, got my belongings and left the store.

The amazing part of the story is soon after my quitting the job, I received a phone call from the manager. She called me and apologized for how I was treated and she knew I was not involved in gossiping. I told her I appreciated that and wished her well. She tried offering my position back, but I knew God did not want me there anymore. I had stated my claim and that was my job in the first place even though I did not know it. 

What I did do is speak with her before we hung up. I asked her had she been told about my testimony and she reluctantly stated she had heard about it. I told her even though I was changed, she could be too. She really did not want to address what I stated but she said she appreciated my words.

That ladies and gentlemen was my first call to witness to homosexuals. God put me in a place not to save up for an art gallery but to witness to the world about His saving grace.

I knew then that I was going to have to pursue God's call and I've been loving every minute of it.

Has God called you to share your testimony? You may never know what circumstances you will be put in, in order to help someone else. Will you answer the call?