How Homelessness and Homosexuality Gave Me a Willing Heart To Help Others

How Homelessness and Homosexuality Gave Me a Willing Heart To Help Others

I have always had a heart for people in general but in this instance, I did not know what God was doing in my life. I remember when I was homeless back in 1998, I was blessed to have a car and a job. It's kind of ironic but I cared more about the homeless sleeping in the park and under a cardboard box than I did my own life's state. I remember driving by Lake Merritt in Oakland, Ca. and I saw a man and women sitting on a park bench. It was raining 'cats and dogs; out there and I was getting sick to my stomach seeing them suffer through it. I  was with my now best friend (the former girlfriend whom I accepted Jesus into my life with) and we felt so bad that we at least had a car to sleep in but they were going to have to weather through the rainy storm. 

I remember it like it was yesterday.  We drove to a McDonald's restaurant nearby and bought them something to eat. As it may be hard to believe, we actually went through some of our things in the car to give to them. We were actually living out of our car.  We found both umbrellas and a watch I had been holding onto for years that, for some reason seemed to give me comfort. I gave up that comfort for someone in the same living situation as myself but worse off.

I’ll never forget how we walked up to the man and woman seated on the bench, as they held up one half broken umbrella to cover themselves. When they saw our faces, they seemed perplexed yet thrilled to see us hand them food and the umbrellas we had. I remember handing the older woman my watch and she smiled with a twinkle in her eye in the midst of the dark sky. I felt so warm inside yet hurt that I could not do more even in my situation. They both kept saying thank you and we replied with ‘take care’ and ‘we love you’ and ‘keep the faith’. I even prayed and cried for them from time to time.

You can imagine how my heart would nearly stop every time I drove by the park, hoping to see them again and give them what I could at the time. Unfortunately, I never saw them again and it’s been over 13 years and I still think of them.

This is why I do what I do. I support the homeless and I try and support those struggling in their spirits. I know now God did not want me to be that famous artist I had always dreamed of being, but to work for His kingdom. 

This story may seem like it has nothing to do with the homosexual lifestyle but it made a big difference in the coming years for me. While I was living as a homosexual and homeless at the time, God was showing me things I would have never seen before. It worked through me and whom I call my “God given sister” at those critical moments having to live in a car or motels. I did not know it then but he was setting me up for ministry and I would have never, ever went this route.

I try and explain to people that just because I grew up United Methodist and attended Catholic school, did not make me a Christian. We never spoke about God in our home growing up. I guess my parents, in some ways, thought school would teach me what I needed to know. (I’ll go into that on another post). But what I did not know, God was working in me even as a child. He brought me to this point and who would have imagined? 

So I shared this because, I think we don’t always know what we are destined to be or do. You may see yourself as a homosexual, bisexual, transgender now but what will God do in your life? What is He setting your up for that you may not realize at this time? If you have left an alternative lifestyle, you may not know what your future will bring through a relationship Jesus Christ. 

What I like to tell people is: When you pray, pray for wisdom, guidance and to do God’s will. When I started asking God to do as He will with my life, He opened up doors I never would have imagined.  I started to see life with my eyes open for the first time and I had true purpose. I still see my life as pretty simple but I my spirit is filled with His love.

What can God do for you even during your struggles? If you have walked away from homosexuality or other alternative lifestyles, what are your plans now? You may have no idea but I promise you, if you pray for wisdom, guidance and to do His will, He will truly bless you like you never seen before.  The real key to breaking these desires and strongholds, is wanting to change but most importantly, changing to PLEASE HIM. All He wants is your willing heart and He will do the rest. Just when you think its too difficult, giving it over to Him will prove He will fight your battles. It was never yours in the first place.

By doing so, you’ll be filled with joy, happiness, purpose and a yearning drive to please Him in all you do.

God bless!

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My First Tests After Being Delivered from Homosexuality [Part 2]

My First Tests After Being Delivered from Homosexuality [Part 2]

Now, here's my second test God gave me less than one year of being delivered from homosexuality. Remember, my first test was whether I would fear losing my job over speaking about religion or would I confess it on the mountaintops that God is my Father.

So, my second test only came a few weeks later. After only 4 weeks as an assistant manager, I was quickly promoted to store manager for a store that needed a manager in our region. The same regional manager, came to me and as we walked through the mall, she asked me if I was ready to be store manager because she knew I was ready to handle the job. I remember in my really serious way of doing things, telling her that I was up for the challenge. I didn't want her to know but I was bursting with excitement on the inside.

There were a few issues with this new position: though it was more money and loaded with opportunity to make a lot of money on commissions, my commute increased by another 10 more miles. So that would be 60 miles both ways but I was relentless and determined to succeed. Even days when it looked like I was driving on fumes and air instead of gas, I made it home without ever running out of gas on my very tight budget to start with. Thanks be to God.

So, back to my test. This second test I would have never thought I'd ever face. It was so unbelievable how God will test you in extraordinary ways. It was one day at my new store and I was literally only there for one week so far and some college students walked in the store with a microphone and a video camera. The young lady out of the group asked me if I would mind being a part of their school project as they ask people some questions. I didn't see any harm in it and business in the store was really dead during that hour so I agreed. 

You will never in your wildest dreams guess what the main question was for their school project? Well, if you can't, here goes it: They put the microphone up to my mouth and asked me: 

"Do you believe homosexuality is a sin?"

Again, for a split second: I was in shock as I knew God was testing me again. But this time, I didn't care to waste another split second. I proudly spoke into the mic and looked into the camera and stated I believed Jesus Christ died for our sins on the cross and the bible clearly tells us that homosexuality is a sin. They asked a few related questions that I can't remember because it all felt like a dream to me at the moment. I do remember them rebutting my response but I kept to my beliefs.

Can you believe that? This time around, my test was to declare the truth about homosexuality...ON CAMERA!! Unbelievable!!

So, it was only moments after the group thanks me for my participation and left that I started to feel uncomfortable. I equate these feelings at the time as fear. You see, even after being tested once and then again on that day and knowing in my heart what I believe is true, all of a sudden I felt fear of losing my job. I remember going over it in my mind that the recording would be on television and my boss and the other store managers at other locations would know and I'd surely be fired for this one.

Then something rose up in me moments later. I remember saying to myself: "Well, if anyone finds out, I don't care. I love the Lord with all my heart and if confessing His name and His truth is wrong, after all I've been through, then fire me.. Please". I remember even looking forward to my employer calling or walking in at any given moment days after expecting to face the issue with my head up high and move on.

But it never happened and I went on to work for the company for several years and became one of their top managers and excelled in areas they had never seen.

I give God all of the glory. He tested and tried me and He knew my heart. Not only did he test me the first time to see if I would trust Him and confess my faith but the second time He wanted to know if I would profess the truth about the gay lifestyle to the world even. I don't know if you can understand how important both moments were for me but they surely changed my life. Those pivotal moments in time set my journey to live my life for Christ in a mightily way.

So why did I share this with you? Well, it came to mind to share what we as former homosexuals are faced with after being delivered. Its not a smooth and rosy ride through the garden. Like anyone living a life for Christ after being born again, we too face trials and God gives those to us to prove and know where our hearts stand with Him.

What trials have you endured? What tests did you confront and how did you show your love for the One who loves you the most?

I hope my story helps someone who is tested and tried as a born again Christian. God has His own design how he does so with everyone but the outcome should be the same: fight in the battlefield for God because He did the ultimate for us on the Cross.

God bless!

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My First Tests After Being Delivered from Homosexuality [Part 1]

My First Tests After Being Delivered from Homosexuality

I can remember my first two tests God gave me after being delivered from homosexuality. It was nearly a year later after giving my life to Christ back in 1999. I had started a new job and my commute was nearly 50 miles both ways. I was homeless less than a year before so nothing was going to keep me from working and providing for my family.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was an assistant manager for a major nutrition store. I wasn't working the job one month and a man came into the store and wanted assistance on getting vitamins for his wife. We talked a little while about supplements and then he asked me if I was a Christian. While what I am about to tell you happened in a few split seconds, it changed my life forever.

Before I tell you my response to him, let me give you some background on this. Now, I was in no way ashamed of being a Christian. For heaven's sake, God had just delivered me from homosexuality less than a year before after 7 years. So, I was very proud of my faith and my God. The only issue that I had never been confronted with before was speaking about God or religion at the workplace and my employer standing nearby listening to everything we were saying. This was in California and in some parts, I knew the culture was not to speak about religion on the job. I also did not know if the company's policy prohibited it or not but that part I wasn't questioning. It was those few split seconds of whether I answer his question as a God fearing woman or would I fear my employer instead.

Well, like I said, this was only a few split seconds and as I turned my eye to the side and saw my employer (the region manager as a matter of fact), eyeball me, I quickly told the man proudly: "Yes, I'm a Christian and a believer in Christ". I remember noticing from the side of my eye again that my employer quickly looked down as she heard my response and went on with what she was doing.

I don't know if she was just paying attention to how well I was implementing their company policies in customer service as a new employee or if she really wanted to know how I would respond to his question. Either way, I knew it was a spiritual test from God because He wanted to know how much I loved Him over that job. He wanted to know if all the sin He had forgiven me for over the years as a homosexual meant more to me than my job He blessed me with.

I remember feeling so good and the man and I carried on talking about God for several minutes until I had to help other customers in the store. I remember feeling in those few moments that even though God had blessed me with a new job, He was the going to be my provider not my employer. You see even though I worked the entire time being homeless, God is the only one that took care of me and my family then. I could have never made it sleeping in cars and motels for 1 1/2 years on my own merit.

I knew than my employer knew she was dealing with a child of the Most High King and if it came down to it, I would choose God over the job in a minute!

Read my second test in less than two weeks later at the same job again.

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