Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Don't Take Ownership of Problems That Aren't Yours

Don't Take Ownership of Problems That Aren't Yours

Have you ever had relationships with family, friends, co workers, etc., and you felt like you always had some part of their issues? This can be a serious problem for anyone that find themselves becoming so much a part of person where their issues are your issues. 

The problem with this is becoming so involved in what is going on with someone's life and neglecting your own. Sometimes people expect you to take on their issues as your own and try and fix them. Now, don't get me wrong, if you have someone in your life that is dedicated to you and you for them on the same level, then this will be automatic for you. In this case, there is nothing good that comes out of us taking on someone's issues that many times do not care that much for us.

What I have found is: While we are pouring all of our resources, time and effort into a person we think loves us, we may be losing sight of who we are. I was a victim of this for a long time. In relationships, we sometimes give much, much more than we receive. We give love, time, money and anything we can to keep or be loved by a particular person. But believe me, if we don't get much of that back in return which should be reciprocated, then what are we really doing? What exactly is beneficial for us emotionally and psychologically if we really don't receive the same love as we give out?

We sometimes try to solve others' problems by making them very comfortable and putting our own problems on the back burner. We seem to sometimes consume ourselves in someone's past, present and future without realizing those issues are becoming a part of who were are; how we think; how we approach life; what we accept or not accept things and ultimately our full being. When we take on others' issues that really don't mean us any mind, we lose out more than they do.

I wanted to talk about this because, as we people with our own issues, it is not healthy for us to take on the caregiver role and sometimes neglect our own cares for someone's happiness. We have to seek out help and guidance for ourselves first and then we can help and assist others in appropriate ways with limits, if need be.

This post is not here to tell people not to pour all you can into someone who you love dearly and are close to. What I want to make clear is, like myself, I wasn't dealing with my own issues but I had all of the time and resources to do it for someone else. I was left broken, needy and confused because I had not cared for myself and the same person that claimed to care for me, never sought to it, to make sure my needs were met. I was losing out in all kinds of ways until I realized that people don't define me.

It was years ago that I realized God would fulfill me more than anyone and I did not need to take ownership of other's issues to find love that really was never there. I learned that God was always there and wanting to be a part of someone's life did not mean I had to be part owner in a stake of their life.

God bless!


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