Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 1]

Break The Bondage of A Sexual Abuser

WARNING: This story may be very disturbing. Please read with caution

I have decided this subject needs to be touched upon. Not everyone can tackle these issues but I want to welcome anyone who has experienced the painful struggle that victims of sexual abuse have endured and still do as adults, to hear me out on this. I am speaking to anyone- man, woman, boy or girl- You can get through your sexual abuse from childhood or as an adult. God can help you through it.

I would like to use my own experience to show that sexual abuse can fester in our minds and throughout our bodies if we don't know how to deal with it. Now, I am not stating this is easy to do. I know how long it took me into slavery for many, many years and diseased my inner core. I know what the bondage feels like and how it torments you everyday of your life.

I was only 10 years old when I was raped by my next door neighbor who was 5 years older than me at the time. He was always winking and talking dirty to me when no one was around but I would ignore him. He would literally watch out like a predator for when my mother would leave for work. This is when he would come knocking at my bedroom window which was facing their driveway or he would come to the back door knocking to get in. 

Well, one day soon after my mother left for work, he came to the back door wanting a glass of water. I remember telling him that he should go home and get some water. I'd leave the room and he'd continue to knock. He claimed he was locked out of his house and just wanted a small cup of water. Against my best judgement, I fell for his trick and unlocked the door and handed him the paper cup of water. Instead of drinking the water, he threw it down and came after me. While I struggled to get away from him in the kitchen, he grabbed me and ultimately had his way. 

I remember it didn't last but a few minutes because he did not know my father was on his way back home. We heard my father pull up in front of the house and he ran around to the windows to see if he could see which way he was going to come into the house. Once he realized that my father was walking through the drive way, he made his way out of the house through the front door. But before he left, he made it very clear that if I told anyone, he'd kill me.

So I remember fixing my clothes and trying to act as normal as possible when my father came into the house. I must mention that all of this happened with my little brother in the living room.

As I was afraid to tell my father what happened, I remember just letting it go. I can't quite remember what I was feeling at the time but something changed inside me. I started having visions of the rape and I felt dirty and unattractive. I remember how all of the kids in the neighborhood would hang out near the house and talk. I will never forget how he would look at me like he stole something from me and no one would ever know because he reminded me he would kill me if I told it. Can you imagine living next door to a rapist until I was an adult? 

So for years, he would give me the 'eye' to let me know he had control over me; he took my virginity and no one would ever find out because he knew I was afraid of him. As I became a teen and dated boys, he would question me about them and threaten to tell my mother about them coming by when she wasn't home. He literally hassled me about guys I dated like he had so much control over my life. I would snap back at him and tell him to mind his own business.

As time went on, I eventually gave birth to my son and moved out a few years later. I remember I felt like he was stalking or haunting me at times. Many times I would be in town and would see him with his girlfriend and he'd give me 'the look' and even his girlfriend thought we were going out or something. If only she knew he was my childhood rapist who won't let me forget he stole my innocence from me. 

There was one last time when I saw him before I decided to deal with this once and for all in my twenties. This would be the last time he'd keep me in bondage.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of  "Break The Bondage of a Sexual Abuser [PART 1]"